King of Trios 2008 Night 1 Review

Ok look, I'm sorry. I'm just going to get it out of the way in a totally sincere way; I'm sorry. The weekend after the show I went to Texas for a week with Destiny, and then we came back the next weekend and I had no time. I've just had no time. Work is even busy! I can barely manage my fantasy baseball team right now!

But I've been wanting to write my reviews for a while now. Some of my memories may have been wiped out because of the 3+ weeks I've waited, but I'm pretty sure I'll remember the important stuff.

King of Trios 2008 - Night 1 - February 29, 2008 - Philadelphia, PA

Las Chivas Rayadas d. Team ROH Grads -- You know, the zing of the tournament may have come during the first match of the weekend. George: "Shane Hagadorn? Oh, must be the pre-show!" Fantastic, my friend. This was a good match to get us into the show. We had to endure a Rhettski Jetski and Shane Hagadorn's stupid-ass "screw you" kick, but Las Chivas picked up the win. The third goat of the trio looked a little...different than the rest, by the way. He was a good foot taller and much much paler than his teammates. No crazy head-bumps during this match, so thanks for saving your necks for once.

The Colony d. Team El Dorado -- Michael Nakazawa is so awesome. He wore tights that were held together by just a few shoestrings. That's not what makes him awesome, I'm just stating it for posterity's sake. Also, he came out with baby oil and constantly covered himself with it. When Worker Ant went for a lock-up, he just slipped right off. He then used a hand-towel to keep his hands dry during a reverse waist-lock. Yes, we started a "USE THE TOW-EL" chant, and I'm not too proud of it. The finish saw Michael Nakazawa squirt some of the baby oil in his mouth to spit it at one of the Ants, only for the Ant to move, making the oil hit Nakazawa's teammate. Also, Nakazawa was knocked down in front of us on the outside, and he left a giant oil stain on the ground.

At this point, those of us in the front row realized that we were maybe six to eight feet from the ring, instead of a good 12 feet that we should be. It turned out that the barrier was taped together at the ends of each section, making the barrier kinda fold in toward the ring in a trapezoidal shape. This ends up being very important later in the show and led to something that I feel somewhat bad about.

The Order d. Team Kaiju Sea Amigos -- Before the match, UltraMantis Black came out with Dr. Cube! The two evil masterminds were teaming up to take down Call-Me-Kevin and his partners; Dr. Cube gave UMB tartar sauce to use against them. The match was very short, but we did get to see the following three things: 1) Call-Me-Kevin missing a moonsault; 2) UMB squirting the tartar sauce on his opponents; and 3) and Praying Mantis Bomb on Call-Me-Kevin. The Hydra looked pretty pumped to have won!

Quack, Storm, and Skayde d. Team Egypt -- It was a shame to see Amasis and Ophidian lose on the first night, but I think we all knew they would lose once they were teamed with Mecha Mummy. Pre-match, Quackenbush took off Skayde's mask for him; he wrestled under Jorge "Skayde" Rivera for the rest of the weekend. Unfortunately, I don't remember much about this match. I do remember, though, that Mecha Mummy scored about 5 palm strikes to the opposing team with a giant detachable hand. Oh, and the finish was brutal. Quackenbush tombstoned Amasis, bounced right back onto his feet, and then did the Quackendriver 2 finisher.

Team WTF? d. Team Dr. Keith -- So Colin D. Olsen wasn't going to be there. Of course we found that out just a couple days before the tournament. When Chikarason was drawing names, he first drew Colin Delaney. After the ref ran to the back and checked that he wasn't there, Lenny drew another name: Johnny Cashmere. In a joke that went way over my head (but came to understand later), they checked for him in the men's bathroom. The third name was Retail Dragon and he was their partner. If you want to know what "sad" sounds like, listen to the crowd after that announcement.

The match was extremely entertaining. mc KZ was an excellent addition to Cheech & Cloudy's team. Most of the match focused around Brodie Lee not wanting to team with Retail Dragon, putting off Dragon's attempts at friendship. Also, mc KZ routinely chain-wrestled around one of his opponents to put them into a stance that may or may not have been popularized in the hit movies "Step Up 2 the streets" or "Stomp the Yard." The craziest spot of the match came when Brodie Lee had Cheech and Cloudy in a DVD position. Jimmy Olsen climbed to the top rope and kneeled on them both, but it threw off Brodie's balance and they all went tumbling down. I think most of the weight actually landed on Jimmy Jam's knee, as he was visibly limping around for the rest of the match. Another crazy move earlier in the match saw Jimmy go for that stupid "ally-oop" powerbomb move, only to follow Cloudy over on the move and finish it off with a piledriver.

Team IPW:UK d. The Naptown Dragons -- Holy crap this was different. It felt like a CZW match for the first couple minutes. A brawl started on the outside and Scotty Vortekz hit a moonsault from the top rope to the outside onto everyone about 90 seconds in. They brawled everywhere in a very hard-hitting match that surprisingly saw the Naptown Dragons lose in the ECW Arena.

But you know what? Team IPW:UK were definitely the stars of Night 1. Dan Lowth of ChikaraFans.com said that this team was terrible and he'd eat an inanimate object if Team IPW:UK won this match. What we actually got were the best heels we've seen in Chikara in a while. They spat on fans and yelled directly in their faces. And it's not that they were just yelling, they managed to keep their eyes on the match as well. I think the finish saw Sha Samuels put Drake in a Boston Crab while Terry Frazier had a fishhook crossface locked in on another member of the Naptown Dragons. After the match, Frazier took Destiny's hand and kissed it; I stood up to challenge him but he just walked away.

INTERMISSION

The Colony d. Las Chivas Rayadas -- I was looking forward to this match but I was somewhat disappointed. The timing of the Chivas seemed off all night, especially in this match. All I really remember is the finish: a Beach Break from the top rope. Fire Ant jumped backwards off the top rope to do the move. It looked insane.

BLK Out d. The Order -- Crossbones and UltraMantis Black came out with sweet metal masks on. It felt great to cheer for the Order because they were definitely treated as the faces in this match. UltraMantis' team managed to stay in this match for a while, but the BLK Out ended up getting the best of them. The Joker Driver that Hydra took to finish the match looked absolutely brutal. I hate when I get burnt out at great wrestling shows because I don't remember good things about matches.

Quack, Storm, and Skayde d. Team WTF? -- This match is what I was referencing earlier about "feeling bad" about something. Quack and Storm were on the outside on different sides of the ring, and Cheech and Cloudy were going to dive onto them from the ring. Cloudy did a corkscrew plancha right in front of me onto Quackenbush. When Quack fell backwards, he hit his eye right a thin pipe on the metal barrier. It started bleeding immediately and a little bubble appeared on his eyelid. Thankfully he was all right, but I felt pretty bad about it. My feet, along with several others', had been pushing it closer and closer all night. Quack shook it off after the match, though, so I did feel a little better.

The Golden Trio d. Team IPW:UK -- Good Lord do I pop for the Chikara Special. Saving the Golden Trio for the main event of Night 1 was a great idea. Delirious called members of the UK team "Tony Blair" to a good laugh. I still can't get over how great of heels that Team IPW:UK were. They would yell, "HUSH HUSH HUSH YOUR GUMS" at us, and it bordered on lame but as still fantastic. We got to yell British terms such as "BANGERS AND MASH." I actually don't know how to follow that up.

And so ended Night 1. Get the DVD because the show really was fantastic. And if you buy this one, you better buy Nights 2 and 3 because who wants to only see 35% of a tournament? The one prevailing thought from the show is that the members of Team IPW:UK can come back whenever they want. The crowd was on them for the entirety of their matches, and they came right back at us without distracting from the match.

Night 2 write-up coming soon!